Walk in Freedom

Sometimes late at night the Lord speaks to me.  My favorite (sarcastically writing) is when I am about to fall asleep and some sort of emotion comes over me and I know that the Lord is talking.  Guess what?!?!  That happened tonight.

**Disclaimer:

It is after midnight and I am very tired

and I quickly read over this to look for

spelling errors and that is about it.  :-)**

As I lay in bed thinking about the day, moments from sleep, a sickening feeling came over me.  You know, where everything in your body tightens up and you feel as though you could throw up.  It was as though I had just watched something horrific happen.  Yet, nothing had happened.

My brother's face came into my thoughts.  Some of you may know, that he is in prison until November 2016.

Imagine not leaving your home, not leaving the land that you are on for 6 years. 

Yet, still even not leaving your home is pretty good.  For me, I have an amazing view of the mountains, country side to look at, a beautiful house and bedroom to live in. 

He lives in a prison.  A place that is not known for it's beauty and that is where he is ... consider being stuck in the picture above for the next 6 years.

I can choose to leave... I could if I wanted to even move out if I desire **which I don't Charsie - at least not yet.  :)**.  Yet, where he is at... he cannot leave.

I wonder what life would look like?  I wonder what you would think about and consider.  If you would long for the day, the moment when you could leave the 1/2 block radius that you have spent years of your life.  Would it be hard to stay?  Wouldn't you desire to break free?  And yet, would it be harder to leave after so long?

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As I thought about these things I wondered what prisons in my own life do I have?  What areas of sin, what secrets, what habits do I have that I am imprisoned to?  So many times in my life I want so badly to break free of the "sin that so easily ensnares" me... yet I feel as though I am locked in.  And for years I have been... BUT than I am free.
 
Christ says there is victory in His Name!  And yet, the prison doors are open but I don't step out.  For fear of the unknown, fear of what lies ahead... I have been locked in this for so long - what is out there, the beauty, the vastness of freedom scares me. 

I guess all in all, it hit home tonight.  There are many days that I mourn for my brother... I have broken for him... there is so much he will miss, so much will happen and there is no way out.  Yet, tonight it was as though the Lord was saying the same thing to my heart.  There is so much you are missing, because you won't step out, you won't trust me, you won't step in faith that you are forgiven, you are made clean, you are whole and you are free...

My challenge for the small amount of people who read this is to consider what is written here.  First, are you truly free?  Do you know Jesus Christ as your savior?  Have the prison gates been open for you or are they still locked up because you haven't chosen to believe in the one true God and Savior.  Second, if they have been open... are you still standing in the white walled prison?  Maybe there are HUGE areas of you life, or maybe just small areas of your life that you continue to stay put... I would encourage you to pray, to think to consider trusting the Lord and let go of those things.  Step out of the prison gates and into freedom...

What a gift freedom truly is!

How have you been created to minister?

Written Sunday October, 16th 2011

Today I did my devotions in Barnes and Noble.  I couldn't focus (imagine that), however the Lord used this time to give me some clarity. 

For about a year know I have had the word simplicity in the forefront of my mind.  I have tried to simplify my life in many different ways and yet all that I do doesn't seem fulfill what God means in my life. For about a year I slowed my social life down quite a bit.  Stopped going out, stayed home spent time with just a few people.  Slowed down at work... and yet all of this I still don't feel as though that was the correct simplifying of my life.  What does the Lord want me to do?  This has been my prayer recently. 

Today, as I was sitting in Barnes and Noble reading in Hebrews.  I looked up to see a group of four sitting at a table, all were easily over the age of 70.  There were two girls and two boys sitting there laughing and enjoying the company of each other and their coffee or tea.  I smiled and thought with the amount of joy they have.  I instantly thought, I'll bet they know the Lord. 

Behind them sat an older gentleman in a wheel chair, I would guess somewhere in his late 50's.  He read the paper alone and would look up every once in awhile to glance around. Almost as if to see if anyone was watching him.  The rest of the cafe in B&N was filled with the young and old, some reading, others talking and even some doing their homework. 

My mind started to wonder which of these people in here know the Lord and/or which would come to know the Lord before their last day on earth.  Than a heaviness came upon my heart as I thought, most of them probably do not know Jesus or will ever know Jesus.  For the word says, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14 I was so saddened by this, that I almost started crying in Barnes and Noble.  How funny would that have been for people walking by.  A young adult girl sitting drinking coffee, reading her Bible with tears streaming down her face.  I held back my tears.

At first I thought, well what can I do.  What is my place in the Kingdom of God?  Am I called to stand up on a table in B&N and preach the gospel?  To walk over to the lonely man and speak with him?  What am I called to do? 

As I prayed and searched for the answer I was reminded of the passage in Roman 12 which talks about the body of Christ.  I was reminded of how we are all a part of the body of Christ.  We are not the whole body ourselves, but each of us make up a single part.  As I continued to pray it was as though the Lord was opening my eyes to what he meant with the word simplicity as well. 

I started to ask myself the following questions:  What part of the body are you?  Are you the mouth which is called to speak the words of Christ?  Are you the ears which are called to listen to those around you?  Are you the hand or the feet?  Or the eyes of Christ?  Which one are you called?  How are you called to minister?

The church, my family, the ranch and many other things have crafted the way that I feel I am supposed to do ministry.  I have always felt that I am supposed to be outgoing, make everyone feel as though they are my friend, be a good listener, give good advise, pray pray pray... and the list goes on and on.  Many times, I feel as though I am not able to minister for the Lord, because I don't do a lot of those things well.

Today I felt clarity!  The Lord showed me that each of us is called to minister in different ways.  And these are some of the ways that I have been called to minister:

I LOVE to see people succeed in what they are doing.  Or even to see things succeed.  Whether it is a friend that has desired to do something and they are moving forward in it.  Or a horse that has fear and chooses to move past it and trust.  For the sister in Christ who needs someone to talk to, to  be able to process thought out and have clarity.  I love those things.  I love it when I can help someone do their job better, serve them and allow them to get the credit.  I love to serve not in the forefront but on the backside... I love to have people feel included and feel as though they have a friend.  These are the ways that I minister.

For so long I felt as though I wasn't making a difference in the Kingdom of God.  Today I realized I am not called to simplify the things that I am doing but to simplify the way that I bring people to Christ...  I have been running around trying to do, to be, to minister in the ways that I think people want me to. I have been trying to be the mouth or the feet of the body, when I am just called to be the pinkie finger.  :) 

My challenge for all of you who read this is to take some time in the next few weeks and ask the Lord which part of the body you are created to be?  Are you thriving, living and doing your best in that area or are you trying to conform, trying to become a part that you are not?  Consider how God has created you to minister to the people around you?  How he has created you to glorify him.  Are you the eyes of the body?  Called to glorify God through what you see?  Or are you the feet, called to travel to take the news of the gospel?  Are you the mouth, called to speak and proclaim the gospel? 

I leave you with 1 Corinthians 12:12-27

¹² The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. ¹³ Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles,^[e] some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.^[f]

¹⁴ Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. ¹⁵ If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?

¹⁸ But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. ¹⁹ How strange a body would be if it had only one part! ²⁰ Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. ²¹ The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.”

²² In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. ²³ And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, ²⁴ while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. ²⁵ This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.

²⁷ All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.

The Lord and horses

Oh man... what to say.  I just read Lashae Bowen's blog, and I felt like her.  I don't even know where to start or what to blog about. 

Life is good, so good!  I also just read Jenae Brewer's blog too and I feel like her (in different ways) but the feeling of being both blessed and overwhelmed at the same time. 

Life is busy between the ranch and doing two online classes.  I leave for work around 8am and am usually there till 7pm.  I get home just in time to do a little homework so that I can try to stay on top of it.  Friday-Sunday are the days to do lots of homework, because it is all due either on Saturday or Sunday. 

Yet I feel so blessed in life as well.  The Lord has reminded me of the passion I have for the ranch.  Sometimes, I think we all do in different ways, I get into slumps of wondering why I do what I do.  What the purpose is behind it all?  If life will ever change?  It is during these times that I loose my passion for working at the ranch... and then it becomes just a job.

Yet lately the Lord has reminded me of just how much I love what I do.  Each day I go in I am overwhelmed by my love for this ministry.

Today and tomorrow we are doing a horse clinic.  This afternoon I left the ranch so excited about riding horses.  *Riding horses is another passion of mine that I forget how much I truly love*  Although my horse, Libby and I weren't perfect, just spending time with her brought me so much joy.  I came home and couldn't help but to be joy filled. 

I think what I love about riding the most is that it constantly reminds me of my walk with the Lord.  Many times when I ride, or I see others ride, and I come in with an agenda.  I have my plan in place of what I am going to do.  I don't listen, don't pay attention to what the horse is telling me.  I just saddle up (or for me just jump on bareback) and get to work.  Then if my horse bucks, or is frustrated or not "obeying me" I usually do one of two things.  1 - ride them through it, force them to listen to me to submit to me.  2 - I just get off and put them back, not wanting to take the time to deal with 'their' issues.


I am always learning that I just have to take time, to practice, to wait for the horse to connect with me.  I have to know how to listen, to read the horses silent body language which shares with me what they are trying to say, maybe even why they are having a sticky spot.  Sometimes I need to back off what I am doing and just go back to the simple basics of spending time with the horse on the ground. 

How often do I do the same thing to the Lord?  I come in with my agenda, ready to do some work for His Kingdom and yet I am not truly listening to him, communicating with him and allowing him to lead.  And when I don't hear from him, when I don't feel as though understand what He is saying to me, I get frustrated and leave.  Instead of taking the time to wait, to be patient, to practice hearing his voice and communicating with Him.  Just like the horses both sometimes need me to be quite, to wait, to set aside my agenda willing and ready to read the silent body language... and both need me to practice!  Then, just like the horse, we can move, adventure and understand one another.

Wow, this blog took a different direction than I was planning.  :-)  But that is what I came home thinking about today.  Hope it encourages each of you.

Below is something I wrote I think back in 2006 - when I was in College in Eugene.  Charise and I were talking about this tonight and she told me I should place it on my blog.  At first I wasn't going to do it... but as I have been writing, I feel as though it shares a piece of my heart right now.  Not all of my heart, as I said I feel very blessed in all that is going on.  Yet there is part of me that longs for more, that feels a storm that could overwhelm me brewing inside of me.  Reading this tonight was such a good reminder to me to come to the Father.  Above all else, to allow my relationship with him be the top priority in my life.  I hope you enjoy.

A dance, an elegant waltz for my Creator. So magnificent that it will be eternally engraved into the essence of my soul.

Leisurely I stepped out of my car, on to a stage already in play. The music had already begun with the hushed sounds of the river that lay to the right of me. Slow black brooding clouds were starting to stretch across the sky. A stillness that was lingering was interrupted by a soft wind. Slow, gentle, russling through the trees. Almost as though a ballerina was flowing, twirling to the music, gradually as the music speeds so does her movements. Up, the lifeless, fallen leaves rise from the ground, awakened by the breath of wind. And explosion of vibrant colors: Oranges, yellows, browns engulf my surroundings. Flittering, fluttering to the music of the wind.

The melancholy clouds above, now draped, towering down over the earth, circling slowing into a whirlpool of blackness.

Than it came, the pinnacle of the play, I was now part of it. My soul trapped, being tossed by the wind. Emotions, the words of others joined dancing, mocking, nestled around me. One step, two steps, I felt the rich soil dappled in moisture between the toes of my bare feet. The coolness of the ground sent a burst of energy inside me. My pace quickened with each step, I was trying to run, fast, far away from the whirlwind amidst me. Away, away form the gossip, the noise of the city, into the creation of my Lord. Desperately searching, running, looking for something, someone to end the storm inside me.

For just a moment I heard Him, through the thunderous uproar, a gentle whisper, “Come away, My beloved. Come, run to Me…” A sensation of peace, joy came upon me. I knew in that moment, I was in the presence of the Almighty Father.

 ~Kelsie J. Patka 2006

Pack Trips (written quickly)

One of my favorite activities during the fall months at the ranch are pack trips!  They are not restful in the physical sense… but my heart and soul craves the time away. 
A pack trip usually starts with Kim and I going shopping at Walmart.  J  It is filled with people asking what we are doing, where we are going and why we have 2 shopping carts filled to the brim with food and supplies.  When we share with them that we are going camping about 7 miles into the wilderness they give us looks of bewilderment.  How in the world do you get all this stuff in the wilderness? We are usually asked at least once.  Horses. 

There is no better way to camp in the wilderness except with horses.  They carry just about everything.  So when we share with people our meal menus of fajitas, spaghetti, pizza… they question if we are camping at all. 

But the food isn’t want draws me to the trips.  After a good hike in (since the horses are carrying everything we hike instead of ride) we set up camp and enjoy the first night.  It is the next morning and each morning after that which draws me to pack trips.  Each morning after we make the coffee and set the horses out to graze each of us grabs a mug, a bible and journal and finds a spot in the meadow.  Within 10 minutes we are all stationed around spending time in the word.  With no watch, no way to really know the time (except that the cool morning breeze lets you know it’s not afternoon yet) we sit there for an hour, maybe two or three… no one really knows. 

It is uninterrupted time to spend with the Lord.  Sometimes I sing, other times I just lay there looking up to the sky.  There is always a good amount of time in the Word reading, journaling my thoughts and the scriptures.  To be able to sit out somewhere without music, without noise, without someone interrupting you until you are done.  There is nothing really more to say… you have thought of everything you can think of to be thankful for, prayed for all those you know, read and journal and have been filled up.  These are the times that draw me to the pack trips.

Each day I was more and more aware of how little time I spend in the word and with the Lord.  Each time I was reminded of the sacrifices that Jesus made for our salvation because he loves us.  I was reminded that life is a gift that can be gone in an instant.  I asked the question of what am I doing with that life and had to face the realization that my life is filled with more of the world than of Jesus Christ.  This is something I desire to change!

Trust me, I am not saying that I want to just go and be a hermit somewhere just spending time with Jesus.  I don’t believe that is biblical.  Jesus was in the world, he was around people, he was doing ministry and in the midst of that he was spending time with God alone.  What I think I have come to realize is that 1 – I don’t truly cherish the gift of life.  I don’t thank the Lord each morning for giving me another day to live… and looking for ways to glorify him with that day.  2 – As I stated before, my life is filled more with the world then with Jesus.  I put what I believe are my needs and my wants in front of time with him.  I place the Lord on a schedule rather than just spending time with him.

For example, I was sitting at Starbucks this morning listening to a women’s bible study (eves dropping.  J)  They were talking about doing devotions and spending time in the word.  The leader was talking about how she doesn’t always get to time in the word or if she does is after the laundry and other chores are done, or in the evening when everything is quiet.  I was saddened by the fact that she was sharing with these other ladies that it was okay to skip devotions or to get to them later on.  **Side note, she did encourage them to not make time with the Lord as part of your check list – which I completely agree with** 

Some of you may agree and some may disagree on my emotion towards this.  But in the last few days of spending time in the meadow with the Lord I have realized how much I need him.  How much I need and should make him the highest priority in life.  Even if it means getting up an hour before the house starts to get crazy.  To place him at the end of the day or when I can fit him in doesn’t give God priority.  If I truly think about who he is AND what I am created to do here on earth… it is not the laundry, it is not school or work or even a family.  BUT it is to glorify the Lord, to bring people to salvation… To love the Lord with all my heart, soul and mind.  To love others as myself.  How can I do that, how can I glorify, love Him or others when I don’t even spend time with him or make him the priority of my life.

As the fall begins a new adventure starts

Summer is coming to a close and fall is starting.  My hope was that with the cold weather would come a slowing down of pace.  But I am afraid that is not going to happen. 

What is going to keep me busy?  You might ask.  Well after not attending school since 2006, I have decided to go back. 

As many of you know I LOVE to cook.  Any reason, any excuse to have people over so that I can cook I seem to find.  I love the process of cooking.  But even more then that I love watching people enjoy good food and spend time fellowshiping together.  I know that the Lord has and will continue to use my love for cooking to draw people together.

Sometime this summer an idea came to me.  Why don't I take some cooking classes?  As I looked into it I realized that this is something I could do inbetween work.  So I applied. 

But as I usually do, I had a stress out moment down in California.  I was sitting at my aunts house thinking about how I was going to do this.  Take 2 classes and work full time?!?!?!?!  One of those classes being a 5hr class every Friday.  I decided that I just couldn't do it.

I walked out of my room and was actually heading to leave for home again when my uncle and aunt pulled me aside and shared that they wanted to help me with school.  It was almost as if the Lord was informing me that I am not getting out of this decision that easily.  I smiled, accepted and deep down knew that now I HAD to go... there was NO way out of this one.

So here I am first week of school.  Right now I have 3 classes (2 online ones that I am on the waitlist for.  You have to finish all the first week assignments even as you wait to see if you made the class).  I am sitting at starbucks sipping on an icetea doing homework. 

There is excitement and also some fear in going back to school.  I was never really that good at it.  But this is something that I want to do and I believe the Lord has plans to use this in my life as well.

Soooo...  give me a week or two - but I am sure that I will need some test subjects on new recipies! 

Running Late in California

 
What a day! What a weekend!

A while back Laurie let me know she was flying down to California to spend time with her family. Well, I too am always looking for a reason to head south and spend a little R&R with my family. So I asked if I could fly with her... we booked the tickets and we got here on Friday.

I couldn't have picked a better weekend to go. I don't even think I knew how much I needed a weekend away and with my family.

Each day was different except for 1 thing which I cherish so much. Every morning I would wake up to the smell of a fresh pot of coffee and my Aunt Jody sitting at the table that overlooks the front area of the house. The dining table is in a little sitting nook with four big windows that open up to the front of the house. We always see some sort of animal or bird wandering across the dusty drive. And along with that there is always conversation about the Lord, what he is teaching us, reading in the word and speaking his truth. It is a time that feeds me and is something I miss deeply when I go home. I have grown accustom to our early morning chats while sipping on a cup of coffee, pausing our discussion to look at a hawk teaching her baby how to fly, or a funny little squirrel, a coyote wandering by or maybe someday a bobcat or cougar crossing the way (she has seen many do that here, I am still waiting).
 

This week has been low key and wonderful. I have spent much of it with my sweet grandma, who recently lost her dear husband. I have realized that as she grows older (she is 81 or 82 now) time gets shorter and shorter with her. We spent the second evening together chatting over dinner and wandering through the mall late at night.

Yet today was the entertaining day! :)

I was supposed to go to church with my family this morning but our house (my aunt and cousin - my uncle left early for church) accidentally slept in past our alarms. ALL OF US! Both my Aunt and I woke up in a fog and decided to listen to church online and meet the others for breakfast at the country club. I went back to lay down and my Aunt told me to be ready 10 minutes before 10:00 am. Somehow I heard 10:40 am. Luckily I can get ready REALLY fast!

Breakfast was wonderful and then my cousin and I decided to go to the beach. Off to Venice/Santa Monica beach!


On the way there my cousin, who has lived in LA her whole life, got us lost and it took us about 30+ minutes to get there. We laughed at how many other stories we have in our lives of getting lost and the adventures that have come from it. :)

We rented bikes at a little bike shop in Venice where we had to get them back by 7pm. We took off riding our cruisers’ heading to what we believed was towards Santa Monica.


Also, while riding.  Kelly Jo ended up crashing twice.  Once time some guy wasn't paying attention to where he was going and practically ran into her.  The first time though was all her fault.  She was going between a bush and a fire hydrant. Somehow she ended up brushing the bush, no big deal right... well, it got her just off balance that she ended up crashing.  I was good enough to take a picture, while laughing SO hard!

Somehow the both of us thought that we were heading the right way... about 30 minutes into the ride and half way around the harbor we decided to look at our map. We had headed the opposite way of the beach! Now we had to go all the way back.

 Santa Monica was only supposed to be .07 miles from Venice, where we got the bike. I think that by the time we were done riding we did well over 3 miles! :) Finally we got to the pier. We had a short smoothly break, took a minute out by the beach, looked at the time and realized we have 30 minutes to get back!!!

So for the 2nd time today we raced back to get to the bike shop in time. Luckily we didn't realize how quickly you can get from the two places when you are heading the right direction! :) We got back in plenty of time to give our bikes back.

Whew, an exciting afternoon, now time for some dinner.

We drove over to Santa Monica pier where we parked the car in a lot... as we were driving in the lady made sure we understood that the car garage closed down at 10pm. **hint hint - look at the rest of the day and you will see where this is going** We smiled and said that would be fine... headed in and started walking down the promenade looking for food.


Dinner was wonderful, we enjoyed our time. Talked about what the Lord is teaching us and fellowshipped together. The two groups beside us continue to look over at the two of us and I pray that we were able to encourage their walk or be a witness to them through our talking. Dinner ended and we started to walk away. Lazily I picked up my phone and looked at it. 9:59pm!

Oh no, our car!?!?!?!

And then we starting our run! About a quarter of a mile our car was in the garage that we parked it... the garage where the lady kindly reminded us before we parked that they closed completely at 10pm! We ran until we got there and as we got there the last 2 feet of the garage door was closing.

Both of us sat there laughing nervously. Because although it was funny we weren't sure what we were going to do. I fly out in the morning and we drove my rental car, which I HAVE to return to the airport the other day. We discussed who we knew in the area and what we could do. Then we realized the lady was still down in the garage. So the next few minutes were us flagging her down. Finally we were let in and allowed to get our car to leave.


What an ending to an adventurous day! :)


Let's hope flying home tomorrow doesn't include running late!

To Run or Not to Run?

Answer: To Run

Here we go...

Every couple years a bunch of people at the ranch choose to do a marathon. Back in 2007 I was one of those who chose to do it. Although it was hard, tiring and I was very sore (I have never been very good about training) BUT going to Hawaii afterwards was worth it!

Then in 2009 my brother wanted to run a half marathon – he trained – I did not.  But I ran it and again it was hard, tiring and sore! 

Now it is 2011 soon to be 2012 and I guess I am going to do this again.  I decided to register early with the hopes that it will encourage myself to train.  And yes, I am using Hawaii again as an incentive to run.

The part that I LOVE about marathon training is the time with people.  We always run in groups and spend time in prayer and fellowship with each other.  The Lord ALWAYS teaches me things throughout the training time as well.  And we usually finish up the longer runs during the fall months with a warm cup of soup and bull riding.

I will try to keep you updated on what the Lord is teaching me through this time.

Fleeting breath of time

It is amazing how we can get so wrapped up in a project that needs to get done.  Today was such an example of that in my life at work.

It was one of those days that started out running and is still going... I am hoping to end it sometime tomorrow morning around 1am or so.  :)

I actually started this morning out with a little time: eggs and some time in the Word reading through Hebrews.  It wasn't until I got into my truck to drive to the ranch that it slowly started and ended up snowballing the rest of the day.  I back my car up and felt a bump... as I drove forward and looked back, there it was lying on the driveway, my fresh cup of coffee gone.  I had just run over it - not even getting a sip.

Luckily there was coffee at the directors meeting at the ranch.  But the rest of my day was a snowball of events and I was running behind trying to catch up.  Between meetings, trying to get stuff together for a board meeting, giving tours, answering questions, saying goodbye to full time volunteers, vetting horses my day was pack. 

And in the midst of all that there was people.

Throughout the day I failed to, many times, failed to connect with those people.  Even when I was talking with some of them I was thinking about what I needed to do and how I needed to get out this situation.

As I drove home I was listen to a song from Aaron Ivery.  You may know it... it doesn't really speak directly to where my thoughts are tonight, however it started the process.  The line:  I’ll find a way to get you here          If it takes my fleeting breath
It got me thinking about my day and how much it was run by the tasks I had to complete not run by the people I met.  I think that I am learning to understanding that it is not about the projects... God places people in our path, to encourgae forward, to grow towards the Lord, to build relationship with, to draw towards Christ.

I need to change my outlook.  I need to have an eternal perspective.  It is very easy to get task oriented... and to have a perspective that is on the here and now it is even easier.  But when you have an eternal perspective you understand how much more important is it to spend 15 minutes with a person that needs to be encouranged, rather then fixing a computer problem for a staff member.  Or how much more important is to to hear about family maters, to hear what is going on in someones life, rather then putting together a report for a board meeting.  Talking with someone about the salvation that Christ brings over a horse being vetted.

Don't get me wrong I think those tasks are important.  A lot of those tasks allow and help the ministry that I work in to function.  Yet, I believe I was off balence today. 

I need and am learning how to take those moments.  And not even just that... I took some of those moments but my head and heart wasn't there.  I wasn't thinking and praying and realizing that maybe this is an oportunity to glorify God and to possibly be a part of leading someone to Christ.  Instead my head and heart was in the projects of the day.

If you are reading this I just want to encourage you that there is always going to be more to do, there is always going to be tasks that need to be finished... the house is never going to be cleaned. the grocery shopping is never going to be finished, people are going to need you to finish things for them. 

Yet, don't miss those little moments at the grocery store when you bump into someone and you start a converstaion with them.  You don't know what that person is going through... you don't know if this is an ordained moment from God to speak into their lives. 

Don't forget to take those moments when your kids come up in your busy day and they desire to take time to talk with you, to play with you. 

Don't get so wrapped up in the tasks when someone comes to you with burdens and are not saved.  How much more important is that they find salvation in Christ and eternal life will be changed forever.

I encourage you today, do the task, do your job well... wether that is at the a ranch, as a mom, coffee, being a CEO... do your job well but don't get wrapped up in the tasks of life, the business of life that you miss those moments, you miss those times that are going to impact you kids, or impact other people. Because people are what this world is about and people are who Christ came into this world for to save.

Something to think about.

As those lyrics say: I’ll find a way to get you here          If it takes my fleeting breath

I want to sacrifce my time, my fleeting breath of time, to spend with these people so that they can be encouraged, grow closer and even find salvation in the Lord...

That is the kind of passion I want for people!

Take a deep breath and slow down...

The last few months have been insane. I can't remember a summer in which so much stuff happened at once. Between traveling to LA, Redding, the Oregon Coast, Portland, many other places and events I haven't had one weekend without something going on.

I went over to some friends that I haven't seen in a very long time (at least 2-3 months) tonight. It was lying there outside on the grass; a group of us covered by blankets under the stars, watching the movie "Cars" on the side of the arena wall. It was there that I realized how much I have been living life full speed ahead... almost running around like a chicken that’s head has been cut off. Not a pretty sight, I have seen videos of it, thank you Dwight Johnson. :)

I have loved every adventure that I have been on this summer. Time spent with my family down in LA. Playing volleyball and swimming with the staff down in Redding. I loved my time with Laurie out in the wilderness of the Strawberry Mountains. I have enjoyed bridal showers of friends and even Lashae Bowen's wedding last weekend. The coast has been wonderful, and I am excited to go back in just over a week. Portland with the girls was a blast as well and there has been so much more... each experience has had stories of fun and sometimes funny adventures; memories that I will cherish.

Still, this evening I recognized that I hadn’t actually lived in the moment. I have gone, played, enjoyed while understanding what lies ahead, what will be waiting for me when I get back. It has been times of "rest" mixed with much stress of what I am leaving behind to pile up.

In the last week I have changed some things in my life.  I have been making spending time in the world a priority (something that has slipped in the last few months), I have been running when I feel stressed, eating healthy and getting rest.  Yet, in all of this, it was tonight that it all came together and I finally understood what needs to truly change.

I realized that I need to change my focus. The past months I have had a worldly focus and when I really need to have an eternal focus. I have worried, stressed, believed that without me in the picture things would fall apart. That I needed to fix what was wrong, be the strong leader, finish the project before me... and in all of these things I lost my focus on Christ and placed it upon myself, Crystal Peaks and others things and people.

How foolish of me to truly believe that I am the one that needs to fix something or that without me it will all fall apart. Hasn't this world, people around me and even Crystal Peaks been fine for years (thousands of years in the world’s case) without me involved? And yet in this time I have believed that these things has needed me. The Lord has been revealing to me that it is NOT me in it that allows things to stay together... it is only Him. If I was gone tomorrow, this world, Crystal Peaks, my friends and family would live on without me... things would not just fall apart.  Yet, He allows me to be a part of what He is doing if I choose.  J

I would challenge you as well... what things in your life are you holding on to, not letting go? Maybe you have the belief that if you let go everything would crash down around you? Or maybe there is the fear that if you let go things will be fine... and who will need you then? I have struggled through both of those - and will continue to struggle through them. I know though, that I do not really desire holding on to those things... they bring stress, frustration and honestly when I hold on to them so tightly I often am the one who ends up breaking those things I love most and they still come crashing down around me.

Let go of the control. Empower others around you to grow forward and even past you at times. Allow the Lord to be the one who holds those things together. Do not spend your time in worry...

There is freedom in opening your hands and allowing the Lord to do his work... I am learning this again right now.

²⁵ “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
²⁸ “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:25-34

Take time to rest.  Spend time with the Lord.  Allow you focus to first be on Him and then on the world around you.

Fear and Worry

I learned something about myself today.  Well maybe I didn't learn it... I have know it by the feelings that I get.  Yet, today is the day that I am choosing to recognize it for what it is and dig down deeper.

Every time I have to ask someone a question regarding helping me I get nervous.  And not just a little but you know that nervous that you get when you can feel your stomach turn, your heart starts beating faster and you almost could go throw up.  I get SOOO nervous. 

The question I have is why? 

This is what I have been asking myself for that last half hour or so.

The thing is... it is not just big questions but little ones.  Anything that has to do with me not being able to do it on my own.  If I have to borrow something, if I need help researching a product, if I need advise... the list goes on and on.

I think that this is something that I am going to need to dig into, pray about and seek out what I am fearful of.

Matthew 6:27 - Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

A God Ready to Pardon

When a man’s conscience is so awakened to the existence of sin that he cannot perceive any plea for mercy within himself, it is his wisdom to look for a plea in the nature and character of God.  Now, brethren, if we search ourselves through and through, we cannot find anything in our fallen nature which can recommend us to the Most High.  If we think that we have a claim upon God’s goodness, we are in darkness, and deceive ourselves.  When the true light comes, it reveals our bareness of all merit or excuse, and shows that there is nothing in human nature but that which provokes the Lord.  This is the fact as to our condition while we are unregenerate, and oftentimes the true believer, when darkness gathers around him, finds himself to be in much the same condition.  His evidences burn dimly, the candle of the Lord seems quenched within his spirit, and worst of all, the sun of divine favor is not discernible; then groping all around he can discover nothing in himself but that which causes him to sigh and groan, being burdened.  In such a plight he should cast overboard the great anchor of faith, and escape from himself to his God.  It were well for him always to do so, but especially in the cloudy and dark day.  To whom should he turn for light but to the Sun of Righteousness?  Where look for grace but to the God of all grace?  Where for all but to the All in all?  If what I am makes me despair, let me consider what God in Christ is and I shall have hope.

A God Ready to Pardon: January 9^th, 1876 by C.H. Spurgeon

This is just an excerpt from his message.  I have not finished reading the whole thing but I would encourage you to read it as well if you have a chance.

What an amazing thing our God’s grace is!  As I read through this I was continually taken back by how grace filled our God is. And also how there is NO WAY that we can bring ourselves to salvation.  I loved the part that when we finally are awakened by the sin that is in us we cannot give mercy to ourselves because it is so hideous.  When we see humanity for what it is there is nothing in us that can be a recommendation for our salvation to God.  YET, our God who is filled with grace pardons us from our sin.  He saves us regardless of the fact that everything we do, everything inside of humanity provokes Him.  What an amazing God we have.  Let us anchor our faith in the Lord.

Run Your Race (Part 1)

We all are running a race in life. We who are believers are called to run it with purpose, trying to win.

"Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified." (1 Corinthians 9:24-27)

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up." (Hebrews 12:1-3)

Picture this: At a track meet there are many people coming from all over to compete in a lot of events. All the athletes are there to run some sort of race. Maybe it is hurdles, sprint, long distances, relays, shot-put or a different one. All the athletes need different training; you wouldn’t have someone who has been training for the sprint run hurdles or long distance. Some even compete in more than one event, yet no one competes in all.  They all have the same goal in mind to win, and to win for their team.

Are we not just like that as believers? Here we are competing at the event of life. We all are running different races and have trained ourselves in different ways. Yet we all are running for the King of kings, the Lord of lords.

As I was thinking about this a few questions came to mind. What race are you Kelsie, called to run? What races have you been running that you are not called to? And how can you cheer on those in other races without taking the burden of running it with or for them?

These are races that I know I am to train for and run... some now and some in the future:

• I have been called to glorify the Lord in all that I do and preach the gospel through actions and words.
• I know that I am called to be at the Ranch this year. I don't know when he will call me out but this is where I am now.
• I know that I am called to run the race of living in Powell Butte with the Brewers.
• I know that I am called to encourage those around me, especially the staff and volunteers at the Ranch.
• I know that I am called to read the Word every day.
• I know that I am called to write my brother and encourage him in prison.
• I know that I am called to pray for healing in my family, especially for my father and mother.
• I know that I am called to pray for the salvation of my sister.
• I know I am called to start training to be a wife and mother.

These are the things I need to focus on. I need to pray, to train, to read the Word, to fix my eyes on Jesus... so that I can run with endurance and speed. I am sure there are many more races to come... some I know about and others I don't. I want to be ready. I want to be trained up and ready for the challenges ahead, the adventures and blessings that the Lord has prepared for me.

What races are you called to run?

I'm home

I don't know why but even when I have been gone in the most peaceful place, surrounded by friends and "pseudo" family, I always LOVE coming home.  I know the exact place I feel as though I am back in Central Oregon (whether I am coming from the North, South, East or West).  My heart becomes rested when I first see the mountains. 

Every place has a different piece of beauty to it.  I enjoyed being in Redding, I love the big oak tree's and the gardens!  Traveling to Papa and Maunga's house is peaceful and in much ways like a second home.  Yet wherever I am, living here to there, wherever there is, Oregon will always have a place in my heart.

Real me

I have been thinking a lot about being honest and real. 

In talking with a few people the other day, my friend shared how she loves it when she actually gets to see me cry.  Because in the 5 years of her knowing me I have cried very few times in front of her.  I was taken back when she shared this…  and I quickly stated, I cry all the time, what are you talking about?  She replied, defining what she meant.  She didn’t mean just any tears, she has seen me tear up many times while watching movies and hearing stories.  Yet when it comes to my actual life, tears of sorrow, sadness, joy she could count the number of times on her one hand. 

As I drove home that night I considered what she said.  I wondered why it was so easy for me to cry when it had to do with someone else’s story yet in my own life, being vulnerable in that way is so hard.   Don’t get me wrong, emotions run deep inside of me and I feel everything. 

Yet for as long as I can remember I have felt the need, felt the obligation to be strong, to be ready to take on the world and to be an example of relying on the Lord to those around me.  I have believed that this means you need to set aside your emotions and put on this brave "together" spirit.  Yet, deep inside me something whispers to me that this is wrong. 

What is the balance of a joyfilled spirit, someone that is walking in trust and truly allowing yourself to be broken beside those who are walking this life with you?

The end brings a new beginning

Written back in December 2010:
This year has been like no other year in my life. There have been a few amazing things in the midst of some of the most painful and saddening things in my life. I never would have imagined that ONE year could hold so many things in it. In praying and pondering what Rachel asked us to consider, “what God has done in our lives”, I decided I needed to just do a recap of the year. Everything God has taught me has started in January and has deepened as the year and the trials have gone on. I will make the recap as short as possible, since most of you where here.

It all started the 2nd week of January with Chaz (my brother) deciding to break in to a house and put a gun to a man’s head demanding payment for a friend. His trial started in January and ended in June with a sentence of almost 6 years in prison.

Later in the month of January one of my dearest friends met her husband to be. Before the end of the year they were married. This was truly a blessing to my year.

Sometime in the spring time I found out my grandpa was diagnosed with Cancer and may not make it through this year.

June started with Julie and I moving out, within two weeks of getting notice. During this busy time of cleaning the house and property (with the help of many of our friends), Dakota was hit by a car. This started the 6 month (and continuing) recovery for her. I soon found myself at the home of Burnell and Paula’s Johnson.

In August (I think – it all runs together) Kaysie, my sister, ended up in the hospital. She fell 15 feet on top of her head. She was out rock climbing with no ropes. She ended up with a concussion and broken ribs, about 2 weeks later we found out she also had a blood clot in the main artery going to her brain.

In November, Kaysie was taken to the ER. Not because of the blood clot but because she had made some mistakes. By the time she got to the ER she had hypothermia, water poisoning, low sodium levels – to the point of her vital organs starting to shut down, possible brain damage and they weren’t sure if she would pull through.

With less than a month left, another dear friend had her 1st baby boy and I have just moved again out to Powell Butte a couple weeks ago.

Okay, back to the original question – What has God been teaching and revealing to me?

As I stated before, this has been the hardest year of my life. Through it all of this, Lord has been teaching, refining and deepening my belief to choose joy in all circumstances (this starts in choosing joy in the small things), to have an eternal focus and to trust him in all circumstances.

I fought through the initial belief when my brother went to prison. It broke (and still breaks) my heart to realize that he will probably not be at both Kaysie and my weddings. He may not meet his nieces and nephews until they are older (if we have them). He might miss family celebrations and there is a possibility that he will not be here when my grandfather passes away. I went from the emotions of being angry with his decisions and then being so sorrow filled with the fact that he decided to take 6 years of his life and the life of his family having him here.

I was challenged in the midst of my anger and frustration to choose to have joy. To actually thank the Lord for what he was doing with my brother in this. He revealed to me how selfish my motives for anger were; and how if this is what brings Chaz to know Christ it is worth it. The Lord had to take me to the place of realizing that if this is what brings him to know the Lord it is worth him loosing 6 years, missing weddings and other family things. For this time is short and the time I really desire him to be is in eternity.

He did receive the LORD! On a side note, God taught me to believe without question. So many times before, I doubted that my brother has really been changed because he often falls back into what he is doing. Both my mother and father didn’t believe him when he shared about being a Christian. Do I think that he needs to prove he has changed? In some ways I hope for it. However, the Lord really challenged my heart stating: “What happens if you choose not to believe and because there is no one there to believe in him and he falls back. Instead you could trust Me, that I am doing a work in him and encourage and believe what he has said. In this there will be much joy and it will push him to continue his faith in Me.” I hope that makes sense.

Sometimes, I feel (I have even seen people do this to me) that we stick people in a box. They try to change, they choose to change and yet we don’t believe the change because it hasn’t been proved to us. We are so quick to see and expect the fall back – that the people around us loose heart and stop trying. For it is easier to be something that people already believe you to be, then to try and break from that mold without any support or belief from people. I don’t want to be that for my brother.

The next challenge was when Julie was dating, engaged and getting married. I remember exactly when I had the first struggle that I was going to be “loosing” my best friend; that our adventures were over. I remember having the thought come into my head: What you choose here will set you up for the rest of this time. If you choose to place your grief aside and have joy, you will enjoy the whole process. But if you choose to wallow in the grief (and frustration that this isn’t you getting married), then this will continue into a downward spiral and you will miss the joys and you may bring Julie’s joy down with you as well.

I remember choosing joy that time and the next week having that same conflict come up again and again. But there was always the promise that this will get easier (Proverbs 23:7). Do I think that I choose joy perfectly every time? No way! However, I do believe that I choose it more often than not; for I enjoyed every moment. There has been little grief and little sadness in the loosing of a friend. There has been an abundance of excitement for what is to come for them.

The final challenge to this year (so far) was Kaysie, this has broken my heart. I can see the Lord’s hand in allowing this to hopefully call her to His side. Yet, she doesn’t desire to have Christ. She has spoken to me that she believes in a “higher power” but does not believe in Jesus Christ and has no desire to even talk about it. She doesn’t think about the consequences of the way that she lives and continues down this path. Christ has been challenging me to be an example with my lifestyle, speak about what the Lord is doing in my life and PRAY, pray, pray. This lifestyle I believe needs to be one that is joy filled and content. She has many people in her life trying to convict her… who share their disappointment with her lifestyle, who push reading the Bible and going to church. And those same people are anxious, depressed, frustrated, and angry. Why would she go towards a “belief” that is filled with those things? I truly believe that it will not be me who walks her through that final decision but I desire my life to be something that leads her to that decision. (2 Corinthians 10:3-6)

What I am most grateful for though is how this particular year has pushed me towards the Lord! It is amazing how the death of an idea, something you love, or someone you love gives you a desire to be in the presence of God. I have been passionately seeking the Lord and have such a desire to spend time with Him. I have been trying to continue to have a cheerful and have a thankful heart. I have been trying to speak out 10 things I am thankful for. This exercise has been helpful to keep my mind focused on Christ and to choose joy in all circumstances.

I don’t know what the next year holds, but I am very excited to see what God has planned. I am ready for a new year! I have a sort of excitement for what is to come and a new start to a new year. The verse about God’s mercies being new every morning has been continually in the forefront of my mind (Lamentations 3:23). I feel almost as though January 1st is going to be a new morning in a way.

Philippians 4:4-9
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice.
Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, et your requests be made known to God; and let the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.