Take a deep breath and slow down...

The last few months have been insane. I can't remember a summer in which so much stuff happened at once. Between traveling to LA, Redding, the Oregon Coast, Portland, many other places and events I haven't had one weekend without something going on.

I went over to some friends that I haven't seen in a very long time (at least 2-3 months) tonight. It was lying there outside on the grass; a group of us covered by blankets under the stars, watching the movie "Cars" on the side of the arena wall. It was there that I realized how much I have been living life full speed ahead... almost running around like a chicken that’s head has been cut off. Not a pretty sight, I have seen videos of it, thank you Dwight Johnson. :)

I have loved every adventure that I have been on this summer. Time spent with my family down in LA. Playing volleyball and swimming with the staff down in Redding. I loved my time with Laurie out in the wilderness of the Strawberry Mountains. I have enjoyed bridal showers of friends and even Lashae Bowen's wedding last weekend. The coast has been wonderful, and I am excited to go back in just over a week. Portland with the girls was a blast as well and there has been so much more... each experience has had stories of fun and sometimes funny adventures; memories that I will cherish.

Still, this evening I recognized that I hadn’t actually lived in the moment. I have gone, played, enjoyed while understanding what lies ahead, what will be waiting for me when I get back. It has been times of "rest" mixed with much stress of what I am leaving behind to pile up.

In the last week I have changed some things in my life.  I have been making spending time in the world a priority (something that has slipped in the last few months), I have been running when I feel stressed, eating healthy and getting rest.  Yet, in all of this, it was tonight that it all came together and I finally understood what needs to truly change.

I realized that I need to change my focus. The past months I have had a worldly focus and when I really need to have an eternal focus. I have worried, stressed, believed that without me in the picture things would fall apart. That I needed to fix what was wrong, be the strong leader, finish the project before me... and in all of these things I lost my focus on Christ and placed it upon myself, Crystal Peaks and others things and people.

How foolish of me to truly believe that I am the one that needs to fix something or that without me it will all fall apart. Hasn't this world, people around me and even Crystal Peaks been fine for years (thousands of years in the world’s case) without me involved? And yet in this time I have believed that these things has needed me. The Lord has been revealing to me that it is NOT me in it that allows things to stay together... it is only Him. If I was gone tomorrow, this world, Crystal Peaks, my friends and family would live on without me... things would not just fall apart.  Yet, He allows me to be a part of what He is doing if I choose.  J

I would challenge you as well... what things in your life are you holding on to, not letting go? Maybe you have the belief that if you let go everything would crash down around you? Or maybe there is the fear that if you let go things will be fine... and who will need you then? I have struggled through both of those - and will continue to struggle through them. I know though, that I do not really desire holding on to those things... they bring stress, frustration and honestly when I hold on to them so tightly I often am the one who ends up breaking those things I love most and they still come crashing down around me.

Let go of the control. Empower others around you to grow forward and even past you at times. Allow the Lord to be the one who holds those things together. Do not spend your time in worry...

There is freedom in opening your hands and allowing the Lord to do his work... I am learning this again right now.

²⁵ “Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?
²⁸ “So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; ²⁹ and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
³¹ “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

Matthew 6:25-34

Take time to rest.  Spend time with the Lord.  Allow you focus to first be on Him and then on the world around you.

Fear and Worry

I learned something about myself today.  Well maybe I didn't learn it... I have know it by the feelings that I get.  Yet, today is the day that I am choosing to recognize it for what it is and dig down deeper.

Every time I have to ask someone a question regarding helping me I get nervous.  And not just a little but you know that nervous that you get when you can feel your stomach turn, your heart starts beating faster and you almost could go throw up.  I get SOOO nervous. 

The question I have is why? 

This is what I have been asking myself for that last half hour or so.

The thing is... it is not just big questions but little ones.  Anything that has to do with me not being able to do it on my own.  If I have to borrow something, if I need help researching a product, if I need advise... the list goes on and on.

I think that this is something that I am going to need to dig into, pray about and seek out what I am fearful of.

Matthew 6:27 - Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?