Wedding and Honeymoon Recap

Oh man... it has been awhile since I have posted.  Life has changed a bit since than!  :)

Wedding and Honeymoon recap:

First for those of you who don't know I started hanging out with the man who was going to be my husband last October.

We started dating on November 22nd.  He asked me to marry him March 8th... and we had a wonderful LARGE wedding on July 7th.

On that day move out of the Brewer house that evening and over to Sisters.  The Brewers were so kind to let me live with them for almost two years... and although I love my life here in sisters I miss the times I had there too!

For our honeymoon we headed to the coast.  Jeff's parents have a cabin on the coast and so we were able to stay there.  It was wonderful...

Jeff took me fishing even though he thought he hated it.  That was until he caught one.  Now he is hooked!

We almost forgot these guys at the cabin on our way home.  We had to turn around and go back to get them so that when we got back to Bend we could cook them up and eat them.  Yum!

 Lots of our honeymoon was spent playing one of our favorite games - bananagrams!!

Coming home to find a house full of presents.  It felt like Christmas in July!!  

Okay, that is the recap on our wedding and honeymoon.  More about "normal life" in Sisters, OR coming soon!

Walk in Freedom

Sometimes late at night the Lord speaks to me.  My favorite (sarcastically writing) is when I am about to fall asleep and some sort of emotion comes over me and I know that the Lord is talking.  Guess what?!?!  That happened tonight.

**Disclaimer:

It is after midnight and I am very tired

and I quickly read over this to look for

spelling errors and that is about it.  :-)**

As I lay in bed thinking about the day, moments from sleep, a sickening feeling came over me.  You know, where everything in your body tightens up and you feel as though you could throw up.  It was as though I had just watched something horrific happen.  Yet, nothing had happened.

My brother's face came into my thoughts.  Some of you may know, that he is in prison until November 2016.

Imagine not leaving your home, not leaving the land that you are on for 6 years. 

Yet, still even not leaving your home is pretty good.  For me, I have an amazing view of the mountains, country side to look at, a beautiful house and bedroom to live in. 

He lives in a prison.  A place that is not known for it's beauty and that is where he is ... consider being stuck in the picture above for the next 6 years.

I can choose to leave... I could if I wanted to even move out if I desire **which I don't Charsie - at least not yet.  :)**.  Yet, where he is at... he cannot leave.

I wonder what life would look like?  I wonder what you would think about and consider.  If you would long for the day, the moment when you could leave the 1/2 block radius that you have spent years of your life.  Would it be hard to stay?  Wouldn't you desire to break free?  And yet, would it be harder to leave after so long?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As I thought about these things I wondered what prisons in my own life do I have?  What areas of sin, what secrets, what habits do I have that I am imprisoned to?  So many times in my life I want so badly to break free of the "sin that so easily ensnares" me... yet I feel as though I am locked in.  And for years I have been... BUT than I am free.
 
Christ says there is victory in His Name!  And yet, the prison doors are open but I don't step out.  For fear of the unknown, fear of what lies ahead... I have been locked in this for so long - what is out there, the beauty, the vastness of freedom scares me. 

I guess all in all, it hit home tonight.  There are many days that I mourn for my brother... I have broken for him... there is so much he will miss, so much will happen and there is no way out.  Yet, tonight it was as though the Lord was saying the same thing to my heart.  There is so much you are missing, because you won't step out, you won't trust me, you won't step in faith that you are forgiven, you are made clean, you are whole and you are free...

My challenge for the small amount of people who read this is to consider what is written here.  First, are you truly free?  Do you know Jesus Christ as your savior?  Have the prison gates been open for you or are they still locked up because you haven't chosen to believe in the one true God and Savior.  Second, if they have been open... are you still standing in the white walled prison?  Maybe there are HUGE areas of you life, or maybe just small areas of your life that you continue to stay put... I would encourage you to pray, to think to consider trusting the Lord and let go of those things.  Step out of the prison gates and into freedom...

What a gift freedom truly is!

How have you been created to minister?

Written Sunday October, 16th 2011

Today I did my devotions in Barnes and Noble.  I couldn't focus (imagine that), however the Lord used this time to give me some clarity. 

For about a year know I have had the word simplicity in the forefront of my mind.  I have tried to simplify my life in many different ways and yet all that I do doesn't seem fulfill what God means in my life. For about a year I slowed my social life down quite a bit.  Stopped going out, stayed home spent time with just a few people.  Slowed down at work... and yet all of this I still don't feel as though that was the correct simplifying of my life.  What does the Lord want me to do?  This has been my prayer recently. 

Today, as I was sitting in Barnes and Noble reading in Hebrews.  I looked up to see a group of four sitting at a table, all were easily over the age of 70.  There were two girls and two boys sitting there laughing and enjoying the company of each other and their coffee or tea.  I smiled and thought with the amount of joy they have.  I instantly thought, I'll bet they know the Lord. 

Behind them sat an older gentleman in a wheel chair, I would guess somewhere in his late 50's.  He read the paper alone and would look up every once in awhile to glance around. Almost as if to see if anyone was watching him.  The rest of the cafe in B&N was filled with the young and old, some reading, others talking and even some doing their homework. 

My mind started to wonder which of these people in here know the Lord and/or which would come to know the Lord before their last day on earth.  Than a heaviness came upon my heart as I thought, most of them probably do not know Jesus or will ever know Jesus.  For the word says, "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14 I was so saddened by this, that I almost started crying in Barnes and Noble.  How funny would that have been for people walking by.  A young adult girl sitting drinking coffee, reading her Bible with tears streaming down her face.  I held back my tears.

At first I thought, well what can I do.  What is my place in the Kingdom of God?  Am I called to stand up on a table in B&N and preach the gospel?  To walk over to the lonely man and speak with him?  What am I called to do? 

As I prayed and searched for the answer I was reminded of the passage in Roman 12 which talks about the body of Christ.  I was reminded of how we are all a part of the body of Christ.  We are not the whole body ourselves, but each of us make up a single part.  As I continued to pray it was as though the Lord was opening my eyes to what he meant with the word simplicity as well. 

I started to ask myself the following questions:  What part of the body are you?  Are you the mouth which is called to speak the words of Christ?  Are you the ears which are called to listen to those around you?  Are you the hand or the feet?  Or the eyes of Christ?  Which one are you called?  How are you called to minister?

The church, my family, the ranch and many other things have crafted the way that I feel I am supposed to do ministry.  I have always felt that I am supposed to be outgoing, make everyone feel as though they are my friend, be a good listener, give good advise, pray pray pray... and the list goes on and on.  Many times, I feel as though I am not able to minister for the Lord, because I don't do a lot of those things well.

Today I felt clarity!  The Lord showed me that each of us is called to minister in different ways.  And these are some of the ways that I have been called to minister:

I LOVE to see people succeed in what they are doing.  Or even to see things succeed.  Whether it is a friend that has desired to do something and they are moving forward in it.  Or a horse that has fear and chooses to move past it and trust.  For the sister in Christ who needs someone to talk to, to  be able to process thought out and have clarity.  I love those things.  I love it when I can help someone do their job better, serve them and allow them to get the credit.  I love to serve not in the forefront but on the backside... I love to have people feel included and feel as though they have a friend.  These are the ways that I minister.

For so long I felt as though I wasn't making a difference in the Kingdom of God.  Today I realized I am not called to simplify the things that I am doing but to simplify the way that I bring people to Christ...  I have been running around trying to do, to be, to minister in the ways that I think people want me to. I have been trying to be the mouth or the feet of the body, when I am just called to be the pinkie finger.  :) 

My challenge for all of you who read this is to take some time in the next few weeks and ask the Lord which part of the body you are created to be?  Are you thriving, living and doing your best in that area or are you trying to conform, trying to become a part that you are not?  Consider how God has created you to minister to the people around you?  How he has created you to glorify him.  Are you the eyes of the body?  Called to glorify God through what you see?  Or are you the feet, called to travel to take the news of the gospel?  Are you the mouth, called to speak and proclaim the gospel? 

I leave you with 1 Corinthians 12:12-27

¹² The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ. ¹³ Some of us are Jews, some are Gentiles,^[e] some are slaves, and some are free. But we have all been baptized into one body by one Spirit, and we all share the same Spirit.^[f]

¹⁴ Yes, the body has many different parts, not just one part. ¹⁵ If the foot says, “I am not a part of the body because I am not a hand,” that does not make it any less a part of the body. ¹⁶ And if the ear says, “I am not part of the body because I am not an eye,” would that make it any less a part of the body? ¹⁷ If the whole body were an eye, how would you hear? Or if your whole body were an ear, how would you smell anything?

¹⁸ But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. ¹⁹ How strange a body would be if it had only one part! ²⁰ Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. ²¹ The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.”

²² In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. ²³ And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, ²⁴ while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. ²⁵ This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. ²⁶ If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad.

²⁷ All of you together are Christ’s body, and each of you is a part of it.

The Lord and horses

Oh man... what to say.  I just read Lashae Bowen's blog, and I felt like her.  I don't even know where to start or what to blog about. 

Life is good, so good!  I also just read Jenae Brewer's blog too and I feel like her (in different ways) but the feeling of being both blessed and overwhelmed at the same time. 

Life is busy between the ranch and doing two online classes.  I leave for work around 8am and am usually there till 7pm.  I get home just in time to do a little homework so that I can try to stay on top of it.  Friday-Sunday are the days to do lots of homework, because it is all due either on Saturday or Sunday. 

Yet I feel so blessed in life as well.  The Lord has reminded me of the passion I have for the ranch.  Sometimes, I think we all do in different ways, I get into slumps of wondering why I do what I do.  What the purpose is behind it all?  If life will ever change?  It is during these times that I loose my passion for working at the ranch... and then it becomes just a job.

Yet lately the Lord has reminded me of just how much I love what I do.  Each day I go in I am overwhelmed by my love for this ministry.

Today and tomorrow we are doing a horse clinic.  This afternoon I left the ranch so excited about riding horses.  *Riding horses is another passion of mine that I forget how much I truly love*  Although my horse, Libby and I weren't perfect, just spending time with her brought me so much joy.  I came home and couldn't help but to be joy filled. 

I think what I love about riding the most is that it constantly reminds me of my walk with the Lord.  Many times when I ride, or I see others ride, and I come in with an agenda.  I have my plan in place of what I am going to do.  I don't listen, don't pay attention to what the horse is telling me.  I just saddle up (or for me just jump on bareback) and get to work.  Then if my horse bucks, or is frustrated or not "obeying me" I usually do one of two things.  1 - ride them through it, force them to listen to me to submit to me.  2 - I just get off and put them back, not wanting to take the time to deal with 'their' issues.


I am always learning that I just have to take time, to practice, to wait for the horse to connect with me.  I have to know how to listen, to read the horses silent body language which shares with me what they are trying to say, maybe even why they are having a sticky spot.  Sometimes I need to back off what I am doing and just go back to the simple basics of spending time with the horse on the ground. 

How often do I do the same thing to the Lord?  I come in with my agenda, ready to do some work for His Kingdom and yet I am not truly listening to him, communicating with him and allowing him to lead.  And when I don't hear from him, when I don't feel as though understand what He is saying to me, I get frustrated and leave.  Instead of taking the time to wait, to be patient, to practice hearing his voice and communicating with Him.  Just like the horses both sometimes need me to be quite, to wait, to set aside my agenda willing and ready to read the silent body language... and both need me to practice!  Then, just like the horse, we can move, adventure and understand one another.

Wow, this blog took a different direction than I was planning.  :-)  But that is what I came home thinking about today.  Hope it encourages each of you.

Below is something I wrote I think back in 2006 - when I was in College in Eugene.  Charise and I were talking about this tonight and she told me I should place it on my blog.  At first I wasn't going to do it... but as I have been writing, I feel as though it shares a piece of my heart right now.  Not all of my heart, as I said I feel very blessed in all that is going on.  Yet there is part of me that longs for more, that feels a storm that could overwhelm me brewing inside of me.  Reading this tonight was such a good reminder to me to come to the Father.  Above all else, to allow my relationship with him be the top priority in my life.  I hope you enjoy.

A dance, an elegant waltz for my Creator. So magnificent that it will be eternally engraved into the essence of my soul.

Leisurely I stepped out of my car, on to a stage already in play. The music had already begun with the hushed sounds of the river that lay to the right of me. Slow black brooding clouds were starting to stretch across the sky. A stillness that was lingering was interrupted by a soft wind. Slow, gentle, russling through the trees. Almost as though a ballerina was flowing, twirling to the music, gradually as the music speeds so does her movements. Up, the lifeless, fallen leaves rise from the ground, awakened by the breath of wind. And explosion of vibrant colors: Oranges, yellows, browns engulf my surroundings. Flittering, fluttering to the music of the wind.

The melancholy clouds above, now draped, towering down over the earth, circling slowing into a whirlpool of blackness.

Than it came, the pinnacle of the play, I was now part of it. My soul trapped, being tossed by the wind. Emotions, the words of others joined dancing, mocking, nestled around me. One step, two steps, I felt the rich soil dappled in moisture between the toes of my bare feet. The coolness of the ground sent a burst of energy inside me. My pace quickened with each step, I was trying to run, fast, far away from the whirlwind amidst me. Away, away form the gossip, the noise of the city, into the creation of my Lord. Desperately searching, running, looking for something, someone to end the storm inside me.

For just a moment I heard Him, through the thunderous uproar, a gentle whisper, “Come away, My beloved. Come, run to Me…” A sensation of peace, joy came upon me. I knew in that moment, I was in the presence of the Almighty Father.

 ~Kelsie J. Patka 2006

Pack Trips (written quickly)

One of my favorite activities during the fall months at the ranch are pack trips!  They are not restful in the physical sense… but my heart and soul craves the time away. 
A pack trip usually starts with Kim and I going shopping at Walmart.  J  It is filled with people asking what we are doing, where we are going and why we have 2 shopping carts filled to the brim with food and supplies.  When we share with them that we are going camping about 7 miles into the wilderness they give us looks of bewilderment.  How in the world do you get all this stuff in the wilderness? We are usually asked at least once.  Horses. 

There is no better way to camp in the wilderness except with horses.  They carry just about everything.  So when we share with people our meal menus of fajitas, spaghetti, pizza… they question if we are camping at all. 

But the food isn’t want draws me to the trips.  After a good hike in (since the horses are carrying everything we hike instead of ride) we set up camp and enjoy the first night.  It is the next morning and each morning after that which draws me to pack trips.  Each morning after we make the coffee and set the horses out to graze each of us grabs a mug, a bible and journal and finds a spot in the meadow.  Within 10 minutes we are all stationed around spending time in the word.  With no watch, no way to really know the time (except that the cool morning breeze lets you know it’s not afternoon yet) we sit there for an hour, maybe two or three… no one really knows. 

It is uninterrupted time to spend with the Lord.  Sometimes I sing, other times I just lay there looking up to the sky.  There is always a good amount of time in the Word reading, journaling my thoughts and the scriptures.  To be able to sit out somewhere without music, without noise, without someone interrupting you until you are done.  There is nothing really more to say… you have thought of everything you can think of to be thankful for, prayed for all those you know, read and journal and have been filled up.  These are the times that draw me to the pack trips.

Each day I was more and more aware of how little time I spend in the word and with the Lord.  Each time I was reminded of the sacrifices that Jesus made for our salvation because he loves us.  I was reminded that life is a gift that can be gone in an instant.  I asked the question of what am I doing with that life and had to face the realization that my life is filled with more of the world than of Jesus Christ.  This is something I desire to change!

Trust me, I am not saying that I want to just go and be a hermit somewhere just spending time with Jesus.  I don’t believe that is biblical.  Jesus was in the world, he was around people, he was doing ministry and in the midst of that he was spending time with God alone.  What I think I have come to realize is that 1 – I don’t truly cherish the gift of life.  I don’t thank the Lord each morning for giving me another day to live… and looking for ways to glorify him with that day.  2 – As I stated before, my life is filled more with the world then with Jesus.  I put what I believe are my needs and my wants in front of time with him.  I place the Lord on a schedule rather than just spending time with him.

For example, I was sitting at Starbucks this morning listening to a women’s bible study (eves dropping.  J)  They were talking about doing devotions and spending time in the word.  The leader was talking about how she doesn’t always get to time in the word or if she does is after the laundry and other chores are done, or in the evening when everything is quiet.  I was saddened by the fact that she was sharing with these other ladies that it was okay to skip devotions or to get to them later on.  **Side note, she did encourage them to not make time with the Lord as part of your check list – which I completely agree with** 

Some of you may agree and some may disagree on my emotion towards this.  But in the last few days of spending time in the meadow with the Lord I have realized how much I need him.  How much I need and should make him the highest priority in life.  Even if it means getting up an hour before the house starts to get crazy.  To place him at the end of the day or when I can fit him in doesn’t give God priority.  If I truly think about who he is AND what I am created to do here on earth… it is not the laundry, it is not school or work or even a family.  BUT it is to glorify the Lord, to bring people to salvation… To love the Lord with all my heart, soul and mind.  To love others as myself.  How can I do that, how can I glorify, love Him or others when I don’t even spend time with him or make him the priority of my life.

As the fall begins a new adventure starts

Summer is coming to a close and fall is starting.  My hope was that with the cold weather would come a slowing down of pace.  But I am afraid that is not going to happen. 

What is going to keep me busy?  You might ask.  Well after not attending school since 2006, I have decided to go back. 

As many of you know I LOVE to cook.  Any reason, any excuse to have people over so that I can cook I seem to find.  I love the process of cooking.  But even more then that I love watching people enjoy good food and spend time fellowshiping together.  I know that the Lord has and will continue to use my love for cooking to draw people together.

Sometime this summer an idea came to me.  Why don't I take some cooking classes?  As I looked into it I realized that this is something I could do inbetween work.  So I applied. 

But as I usually do, I had a stress out moment down in California.  I was sitting at my aunts house thinking about how I was going to do this.  Take 2 classes and work full time?!?!?!?!  One of those classes being a 5hr class every Friday.  I decided that I just couldn't do it.

I walked out of my room and was actually heading to leave for home again when my uncle and aunt pulled me aside and shared that they wanted to help me with school.  It was almost as if the Lord was informing me that I am not getting out of this decision that easily.  I smiled, accepted and deep down knew that now I HAD to go... there was NO way out of this one.

So here I am first week of school.  Right now I have 3 classes (2 online ones that I am on the waitlist for.  You have to finish all the first week assignments even as you wait to see if you made the class).  I am sitting at starbucks sipping on an icetea doing homework. 

There is excitement and also some fear in going back to school.  I was never really that good at it.  But this is something that I want to do and I believe the Lord has plans to use this in my life as well.

Soooo...  give me a week or two - but I am sure that I will need some test subjects on new recipies! 

Running Late in California

 
What a day! What a weekend!

A while back Laurie let me know she was flying down to California to spend time with her family. Well, I too am always looking for a reason to head south and spend a little R&R with my family. So I asked if I could fly with her... we booked the tickets and we got here on Friday.

I couldn't have picked a better weekend to go. I don't even think I knew how much I needed a weekend away and with my family.

Each day was different except for 1 thing which I cherish so much. Every morning I would wake up to the smell of a fresh pot of coffee and my Aunt Jody sitting at the table that overlooks the front area of the house. The dining table is in a little sitting nook with four big windows that open up to the front of the house. We always see some sort of animal or bird wandering across the dusty drive. And along with that there is always conversation about the Lord, what he is teaching us, reading in the word and speaking his truth. It is a time that feeds me and is something I miss deeply when I go home. I have grown accustom to our early morning chats while sipping on a cup of coffee, pausing our discussion to look at a hawk teaching her baby how to fly, or a funny little squirrel, a coyote wandering by or maybe someday a bobcat or cougar crossing the way (she has seen many do that here, I am still waiting).
 

This week has been low key and wonderful. I have spent much of it with my sweet grandma, who recently lost her dear husband. I have realized that as she grows older (she is 81 or 82 now) time gets shorter and shorter with her. We spent the second evening together chatting over dinner and wandering through the mall late at night.

Yet today was the entertaining day! :)

I was supposed to go to church with my family this morning but our house (my aunt and cousin - my uncle left early for church) accidentally slept in past our alarms. ALL OF US! Both my Aunt and I woke up in a fog and decided to listen to church online and meet the others for breakfast at the country club. I went back to lay down and my Aunt told me to be ready 10 minutes before 10:00 am. Somehow I heard 10:40 am. Luckily I can get ready REALLY fast!

Breakfast was wonderful and then my cousin and I decided to go to the beach. Off to Venice/Santa Monica beach!


On the way there my cousin, who has lived in LA her whole life, got us lost and it took us about 30+ minutes to get there. We laughed at how many other stories we have in our lives of getting lost and the adventures that have come from it. :)

We rented bikes at a little bike shop in Venice where we had to get them back by 7pm. We took off riding our cruisers’ heading to what we believed was towards Santa Monica.


Also, while riding.  Kelly Jo ended up crashing twice.  Once time some guy wasn't paying attention to where he was going and practically ran into her.  The first time though was all her fault.  She was going between a bush and a fire hydrant. Somehow she ended up brushing the bush, no big deal right... well, it got her just off balance that she ended up crashing.  I was good enough to take a picture, while laughing SO hard!

Somehow the both of us thought that we were heading the right way... about 30 minutes into the ride and half way around the harbor we decided to look at our map. We had headed the opposite way of the beach! Now we had to go all the way back.

 Santa Monica was only supposed to be .07 miles from Venice, where we got the bike. I think that by the time we were done riding we did well over 3 miles! :) Finally we got to the pier. We had a short smoothly break, took a minute out by the beach, looked at the time and realized we have 30 minutes to get back!!!

So for the 2nd time today we raced back to get to the bike shop in time. Luckily we didn't realize how quickly you can get from the two places when you are heading the right direction! :) We got back in plenty of time to give our bikes back.

Whew, an exciting afternoon, now time for some dinner.

We drove over to Santa Monica pier where we parked the car in a lot... as we were driving in the lady made sure we understood that the car garage closed down at 10pm. **hint hint - look at the rest of the day and you will see where this is going** We smiled and said that would be fine... headed in and started walking down the promenade looking for food.


Dinner was wonderful, we enjoyed our time. Talked about what the Lord is teaching us and fellowshipped together. The two groups beside us continue to look over at the two of us and I pray that we were able to encourage their walk or be a witness to them through our talking. Dinner ended and we started to walk away. Lazily I picked up my phone and looked at it. 9:59pm!

Oh no, our car!?!?!?!

And then we starting our run! About a quarter of a mile our car was in the garage that we parked it... the garage where the lady kindly reminded us before we parked that they closed completely at 10pm! We ran until we got there and as we got there the last 2 feet of the garage door was closing.

Both of us sat there laughing nervously. Because although it was funny we weren't sure what we were going to do. I fly out in the morning and we drove my rental car, which I HAVE to return to the airport the other day. We discussed who we knew in the area and what we could do. Then we realized the lady was still down in the garage. So the next few minutes were us flagging her down. Finally we were let in and allowed to get our car to leave.


What an ending to an adventurous day! :)


Let's hope flying home tomorrow doesn't include running late!